[Fanfic] What I've Done

[shibaru11]

Title: What I’ve Done
Pairing/Group: HiroSuke + a bit of other Kisumai members (except MiyaTama), Akito
Rating: G
Warnings: This is totally unbeta'ed so there'll be many mistakes here and there... Can't afford to steal people's time proofreading this thing....
Summary: Mitsu reminded Fujigaya of someone, who was really special to him….coincidence, or fate?
Notes: This is my first attempt in writing a multi-chapter fic….and have yet plan on the numbers of chapters….

Edit:
Additional note - this fic requires your good imagination as I'm not really good in describing things...Gomen....

CHAPTER ONE

“Excuse me. Is this seat taken?” Fujigaya lifted up his head, looking at the source of the voice. Standing aside him was a small guy, probably 10 cm shorter than him, with a smile curved by his small lips. ‘It can’t be true…’ He monologues to his own self. That face was very familiar to him.

“Sorry. It’s yours.” He moved away his bag and put in on the chair on his left.

“Thank you. I’m Kitayama.” The boy reached out his right hand for a handshake. Even though his palm is small, his hand is well – built. And Fujigaya could feel a firm muscle while he slowly gripped the other’s hand.

“I’m Fujigaya. I never saw you before. Freshie?” The class they were attending was the university pre – requisite subject, where all the students have to take. But most students would take it during their first year, like other Fujigaya’s friends.

“Yes. I’m a First year student. What about you?” Kitayama busy unpacking his notebook and his pencil case and put them on the table.

“Third year, and hopefully my final year here. You like Anpanman, don’t you?” He pointed at the Anpanman character that was printed on the red case.

“Ah..well, not that I really like it. This is not mine actually.” Kitayama laughed as he saw Fujigaya’s face was a bit surprised.

“Oh..ok.” That comic character did remind him of someone. And Kitayama’s smile too.

With the other’s presence (and thousands of inquiries), Fujigaya did not feel that the class was too bored. But the bad thing was, he hardly could concentrate on what the lecturer babbling about in front because Kitayama would always have questions each and every minute until he needed to ignore the other. That didn’t work though. True, Kitayama would silent for a moment, few minutes, and then he started to attack him back with his questions.

 

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The classes of this semester were very packed and hardly gave Fujigaya time to rest, let alone hanging out with his friends. His daily schedule would be waking up at 7, being in lecture halls or tutorial rooms from 8 a.m to 6 p.m, having his dinner, going back to the labs until late night, continuing his assignments until 2 or 3 in the morning. And, it was only a week passed since he entered the new semester. He didn’t even know who his roommates are, since their room is divided into small cubicles, making a little space for themselves. It was only this semester he didn’t choose his own roommates. Tottsu, Fumito and Wataru did the registration without consult him and here he was, being left alone. Not that he care, with his packed schedule, and an aim to finish his study as soon as possible. What he knew about his roommates is none of them was the same batch with him.

As he put off his shoes and began to open the door…

“Fujigaya!” Being shouted with a loud voice, he almost lost his balance until he managed to grab the balcony bar to support him.

“Ouch….why are you…” He was surprised (for the second time today) seeing Kitayama was in front of him, trying to help him up.

“Oh my God! Sorry! This is my room. What are you doing here?” Kitayama slowly pulled Fujigaya’s hand and made sure the senior was stable before throwing a smile at him. ‘That smile….again…’

“Well, technically, it’s my room. Don’t tell me we are roommates.”

“I suppose we are. We’ve been questioning and wondering who the other boy is. I can’t believe it’s you. I’m glad.” Kitayama tailed Fujigaya at the back until they both reached Fujigaya’s cubicle, where Kitayama stopped in front of the entrance.

“May I…”

“Yeah…just come in.” Fujigaya moved his jeans from the chair and hung it in the small wardrobe.

“Waahh…..your place is so clean and tidy. Unlike mine.” Kitayama browsed through the whole cubicle with his eyes. There were some notes pinned on the notice board, in front of the study desk. Few books (most of them are reference books) were neatly arranged on the shelf.

“That’s because I rarely being here all this time. And most of the books are already kept in boxes, hidden under this bed.” Fujigaya laughed as he pat his own bed.

“Is that so? Can borrow some if I were going to take the same subjects as you?”

“Well, I don’t see any problem here. What is your major?” Fujigaya put his bag on the bed covered with a sky blue sheet with some Anpanman character printed on it.

“Mechanical. Eyh~~~~~~” Kitayama seemed shocked when he saw the bed sheet.

“What? Are you going to keep on shouting at me everytime we meet? Jeez….” Fujigaya shook his head several times before a small laugh came out from his mouth.

“Sorry, senpai. I was just…shocked seeing your bed.” Kitayama moved his position facing the senior.

“You like this comic too? No wonder you seemed interested to my pencil case just now.”

“Not that I really like it. Someone gave it to me.” Fujigaya unhung his towel and wrapped it around his waist.

“That someone must be a special person, right? The colour is faded so I guess you’ve been using it for a long time.” Kitayama started to stand up when he saw the other were about to head to the bathroom.

“You know what? You are quite annoying, little boy. I suppose you want to be a Crime Scene Investigator one day? Now, get out. I wanna refresh myself.” Fujigaya grabbed Kitayama’s small shoulder and pushed him out of his cubicle with a smile on his lips.

“Ok….but please don’t mind me interfering your place some other time, senpai.” Kitayama walked towards his cubicle which is opposite of Fujigaya’s.

“But senpai, can I not calling you Fujigaya?” Seconds after, he popped out his head, right when Fujigaya was about to open the door.

“Call me whatever you want. Just don’t call me…”

“Tai-chan?”

Fujigaya felt the time had stopped around him when he heard that name. Nobody ever called him that ever since years ago. Only one person would call him that. And he didn’t want anyone call him that name except that person.

“Senpai Tai-chan? What’s wrong? Am I not right? You hate that name, right?”

“Who are you to tell me what I like and what I hate? And if you wanna live long, don’t call me that. Is that understood?” Without facing the other, Fujigaya could feel his face was red and he was clinching his fist, trying not to get mad at the other.

“Ok…I do wanna live longer than only 20 years. There’s so much that I wanna do. Then, allow me to call you Fuji-senpai?” Kitayama tried to look at that furious face of his senior but the other had made a move.

“Whatever.”

 

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It’s been almost two months since the semester began. And it’s been two months Fujigaya’s life being bothered by a tiny little boy named Kitayama. He did feel annoyed by the other’s presence at first but now, Kitayama was like his personal diary. He could tell anything to the younger except his past. He didn’t know why he felt so comfortable being with Kitayama but he had to admit, he had experienced the same comfortability few years ago, before he moved to this town to further his study in this university.

“Fuji-senpai, come join us.” He had been welcomed with the same voice ever since he resided the room. And the same scenery he had witnessed, Kitayama and the other two boys, Senga and Nikaido, would sit on the floor while enjoying various kinds of instant food. Not that he complained though because he would join too at times. It was actually a good activity to release his stress after being caged in the lab for hours.

“What’s good this time?” Fujigaya took a seat beside Kitayama before the other handing over a plate of fried noodles to him.

“Senga is just come back from the town meeting his mother and he bought this for us. Well, it’s Senga’s mother’s treat, to be honest.” Kitayama poured a glass of iced coffee for his senior.

“My mother said you guys had taken a good care of me so she wanted to repay that.”

You guys….or just Nikaido?” Fujigaya could see how Nika almost spit out the noodles form his mouth hearing the tanned guy saying that.

“Senior…stop teasing us like that. Or…you just wanna divert the usual tease you and Mikkun get from us?” Nika and Sen-chan are the ones who loved to tease Fujigaya and Kitayama as lovers since they’ve always been together whenever they both were in the room. Though, they only studied together and Kitayama had unofficially appointed Fujigaya as his personal tutor for some subjects since they are taking the same major studies.

“Yeah…right. Now, clean up. I don’t wanna get bitten by ants again. Let alone roaches.” Fujigaya handed over the empty plate to Nika and finished his drink before made a move towards his place.

“Senpai, don’t forget you have a tutorial class tonight at 8!” Kitayama reminded the other. Lately, Kitayama had become Fujigaya’s walking diary. He knew every details of the other’s schedule. And there are times he would send a short reminding mail, enough to make Fujigaya’s friends and classmates rumored their relationship. But for Fujigaya, Kitayama is none other than a very cute but annoying little brother, who’ll get hyped and excited with anything related to Fujigaya. At least, there is someone who can really cheer him up since his first step into this university.

“Got it. Thank you, tiny.” Fujigaya had been called Kitayama that name since Kitayama started to call him with that weird ‘Fu something’ name.

“Why can’t you say my name properly? I have a nice name, thanks to my mother.” Kitayama slowly sneaked into the senior’s place just to find out that the other was already lying on his bed.

“Because…. I never know your name, boy. What is it again?” Fujigaya started to flip a book before he was surprised by that little guy jumping onto his bed. It was not the first time he did that, though.

“Eyh….it’s Kitayama Hiromitsu. You can call me Hiro, as my mother calls me. But…I prefer if you can call me Mitsu. Nobody calls me that.” Hearing that name, Fujigaya almost slipped the book from his grip and the edge of the book hit his forehead. Luckily, it didn’t hurt him.

“Ouch!” He rubbed his forehead just to find out it was not bleeding.

“Why are you so shock? Did the name remind you of something? Or maybe someone?” Kitayama took the book from Fujigaya and started to flip through the pages rapidly, and gave it back as soon as he noticed that it was an educational book.

“Ha? Shock? Of course not. It’s just my hand is losing the grip. Now, shoo. You’re disturbing me studying.” Fujigaya kicked Kitayama’s small body with his right foot before laughing when he saw Kitayama fell from the bed.

“I know you have something in mind, senpai.” Kitayama rubbed his back and showed a fist to the other.

 

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“Hello, Akito?”

<< Taipi! It’s been ages since you called me. What’s up, bro?>>

“Sorry. I was too busy with classes, tutorials, labs, assignments and anything between the sky and the earth.”

<<And what makes you remember me now? You won’t give me a call if nothing bothers you. Spit it out.>>

“You sure know me well. Nothing special except…”

<<Except somebody you don’t wanna see is in front of you, right?>>

“Not exactly. Akito, I met a boy.”

<<Don’t tell me you fell in love with guys now, Taipi. I know you were heartbreaking but to divert your attention to the same sex is not the best way to heal it.>>

“What nonsense are you mumbling about? At least let me finish my words.”

<<Ok…ok…sorry. My ears are yours.>>

“This boy, my roommate, he’s …. he reminds me of that person. His looks, his smile, his voice, his cheerful attitude, his attention, even his name.”

<<Oh my God! Don’t tell me you like him because of that? Just that?>>

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what my true feelings are. I just know that I’m really comfortable being with him. And I don’t think I’m in love with him. It’s just that, I feel the same way like what I felt three years ago.”

<<Taipi, don’t get fooled. There are many people with same faces in this world…>>

“But not with the same name, and voice, and attitude, right?”

<<Well, I suppose so. But why are you so bothered about it? Isn’t it good? You’ve been able to find your old self now. At least you’re not the ‘gloomy monster’ with half face is covered with bangs Taipi anymore.>>

“I’m not a gloomy monster and for your info I’ve cut my bangs a bit since Hiro…”

<<Hiro? That’s the boy’s name, right? He must’ve been a huge influence to you. As I remember nobody dares to tell you to cut your bangs except….>>

“See? Now you see how similar they are?”

<<I guess so. Say, Taipi. How about I go there and meet you and that Hiro boy? Maybe I can help you.>>

“I don’t think it’s necessary to do that. He’ll feel awkward if I introduce him to you for no reason.”

<<Then, I guess you can just go with the flow. It’s not wrong being happy, Taipi.>>

“Thanks, Akito. I’ll call you again later.”

 

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Talking (or more like consulting) with Akito had always been the best therapy to Fujigaya. He would pursuit his best friend whenever he feels down, or upset, or sharing his joy. Akito, whom he knew for 10 years, has always been a reliable friend. In fact, it was Akito who pull himself together after the incident. He would’ve ended up nowhere if Akito wasn’t there. He wished that he can get Akito to meet Hiro.

“Fuji-senpai!” Fujigaya saw Kitayama was running towards him with a small bag hanging on his back. ‘How can this boy be so energetic all the time?’ Fujigaya talked to himself.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to join us jogging in this park.” Kitayama stopped right in front of the bench where the senior was sitting, and opened his mineral water bottle before finishing the whole bottle in one go.

“I did, at first. But I get bored being alone in the room so I decided to spy on you, Hiro.” Fujigaya handed over another bottle to the other before Hiro shook his head, refusing the offer.

“Is that so? And….did you find something doubtful about me? Ah, senpai. Tomorrow is Saturday. How about we go around the town? I’ve never saw you going out of this ‘beautiful place’.” Kitayama started to do some stretches before sitting on the ground, facing Fujigaya.

“Nothing except…you’re weird…or unique little creature I’ve ever met. Tomorrow? Only two of us?” Kitayama nodded his head, happily.

“Why? You are afraid that you’ll been teased by the dumb and dumber?”

“No…not like that. Then…. I guess, it’s ok.” Fujigaya stood up and started to walk away leaving the bench and the park, followed by his junior.

“Then, we’ll go there by bus?” Kitayama ran a bit passing Fujigaya before he started to run in a reverse direction, facing Fujigaya. ‘Is this boy’s age really 20? Not 12? Or 2?’ Again, Fujigaya talked to himself.

“Nope. With my car.” Fujigaya thought it’s time for someone to be the passenger of his car.

Kitayama smiled a smile of pure excitement when hearing that. Tomorrow would be a shining good day.

CHAPTER TWO

 

“Senpai~~~~~wake up.” Fujigaya could feel a small hand was shaking his right shoulder but his eyes were too heavy to open.

“Senpai~~~~~it’s already 8….You promise to take me to the town. Wake up.” Now, the hand was pulling his right hand. Fujigaya forcibly turned his body and accidentally made the other fall on top of him. The other jumped out of the bed and Fujigaya was moved behind in a sudden, making his back hitting the wall.

“Ouch! Hiro, what are you doing here?” He rubbed his back and found out the other was already on the floor, doing the same thing.

“You said you want to take me to the town, remember? It’s already 8.” Kitayama got up on his feet and fixed his wet hair.

“It’s only 8, still early to go. At least let me get more time to sleep.” Fujigaya laid his head on the pillow back before the other quickly snatched the pillow from him.

“You know how long will you take to get ready? The shortest time is 15 mins, and that was because you were already late for class. The average time is half an hour and the longest is almost an hour. Come on, we can have our breakfast first somewhere.” Kitayama threw the pillow to Fujigaya’s face and the other did not have the chance to avoid it.

“Ok….ok…I got it. Stop acting like my mother.” Fujigaya got off from his bed lazily and headed to the shower room with a towel hung on his shoulder.

 

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“Uwaa~~~~senpai! Is this your car?” Kitayama’s eyes were wide opened when he saw a black BMW X5’s headlight were blinking twice when Fujigaya pressed the ‘Unlock’ button on the remote.

“It’s my dad’s actually. But he lend it to me to make sure I’ll always come back home.” Fujigaya pressed the ‘Start’ button on the right side of the steering wheel while the other was busy browsing the interior of the car.

“But you haven’t come home for months, right?” Kitayama fastened the seatbelt after being signaled by his senior.

“I wanted to but…. Time is not on my side now.” Time was just an excuse for Fujigaya to come home. He rarely met his parents not because of time constraint. He just didn’t want to be in the house, and not because of his parents. He didn’t want to be in his room. There were lots of bitter memories in the room. He would rather sleep in the living room whenever he was at home.

“You and your parents are in good terms, aren’t you?” Kitayama could sense the other was not having problem with his parents but he knew something happened or was there, that made Fujigaya reluctant to be with his family.

“Of course we are. I’m lucky to have them as my parents. They’ve been supporting me ever since…..” Fujigaya wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell everything to the other. He noticed that sometimes Kitayama would give him a curious look, as if the other could sense his past.

“Ever since what? Senpai, I’m so sorry if I’m wrong but since we met, I think this is not the real you. I don’t know why I feel this but….i just know. It’s like, you’ve been suffering from something in your past. You should let it out, you know. Keeping it inside you will do nothing good.”

“No, I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me, or with my past. And I’m always like this. So, yes, you’re wrong. You only know me for few months so I don’t think it’s fair enough for me to be judged by you.” He didn’t want the other to know what had happened three years ago. He’d been trying to erase that incident from his memory. He’d been keeping it from his friends. The only person that knew about this was Akito.

“Well, suit yourself. But you know you can always rely on me. I might be a bit childish but I can be a good listener too.” Kitayama started to get off of the car when Fujigaya stopped the vehicle in a parking lot in front of a café.

“Now, let’s feed ourselves. I’m hungry. I must’ve lost a few kilos now.” The younger walked quickly into the café and flipped the menu book as soon as he found an empty seat. Fujigaya shook his head with a smile. They really are alike. How will he forget that person if this boy is always with him? Every little thing that Kitayama did reminds him of that person.

“Senpai, I want to try this strawberry tart but it’s too huge for me. Can we share? I don’t really like sweet things but I want to have a taste. You like tarts, right?” Kitayama showed Fujigaya the picture of a strawberry tart printed on the menu.

“I … I don’t like strawberry. Just order and keep half of it for Nika or Senga. I’m not going to eat it.” He lied. Strawberry had always been his favourite since he was a kid. But he stopped eating it since three years ago.

“I don’t care. Can I have this, please?” Kitayama told the waiter his order. A piece of strawberry tart, a set of hotcakes, 2 half boiled eggs and a cup of coffee. Fujigaya ordered the hotcakes set with a cup of tea. He then shook his head again.

“What?” Kitayama could see the other was disbelieved knowing that he ordered few meals for breakfast.

“Nothing. Can you really eat all that? Where do you hide it? Inside your chubby cheeks?” Fujigaya couldn’t hold his laughter when he saw the other started to puff his cheeks and pout his mouth. How cute is that? Suddenly, he stopped laughing when Kitayama started to look him expressionlessly.

“What?”

“I never saw you laugh like that. I thought you never learn how to laugh.” True. This was the first time Fujigaya laughed a lot since he met Kitayama. No, since he entered the university.

“Am I? It’s just that…. It’s your face, reminds me of….”

“Someone?”

“No. it reminds me of a hamster.” Fujigaya wiped his tears that came out with his laughter. Of course, it reminded him of that someone.

“Oi, that’s mean. Now, let’s finish this. We still have a long way to go.” Kitayama started to digging in his hotcakes, followed by the eggs. When he started to eat the tart, he cut it into half and gave it to the other.

“Didn’t I tell you I’m not gonna eat this?” Fujigaya pushed back the plate towards the other but the other did the same. They’ve been doing that for a few times before Fujigaya started to give up and slowly putting it into his mouth. Without realizing it, a few drops of tears came out from his eyes and hit the plate. He stopped after one bite and stared at the plate for seconds. He could never get rid of the memories. He had been through this sharing thing long time ago. He had been dealing with a stubborn person before. Despite how stubborn the person was, he loved that person so much. Silently, he wiped off the tears, hoping that Kitayama didn’t see that. Kitayama did see that but he pretended he didn’t. ‘Finally, I made him cry.’ Kitayama smiled inside. He had succeeded the first step. He had broken the other’s ego.

“Senpai, how about going to the amusement park after this? We can have lots of fun there. Screaming and shouting can release our stress, you know?” It had been a while since Kitayama visited that kind of places. He surely had full of agendas inside his brain.

“I thought you wanted to go to the bookstore?” Fujigaya had been avoiding going to the park even though it was his favourite place.

“We can go after that. Come on. Let’s have some fun. Studying and thinking about books can make us look older.” Kitayama smiled brightly to the other. ‘I will make sure you’ll never forget about today forever. Even though, you’ve been trying to leave all your memories behind.’

“Ok…your treat.” It was not wrong going there after all, thought Fujigaya. He wanted to be happy, just like what Akito told him on the phone. Kitayama showed a thumb up, agreeing that he’d pay everything. Money is nothing compared to what the outcome will be.

 

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It was already full of people when they arrived at the park. Kitayama was being greedy, not knowing which attractions he should try first. Fujigaya suggested that they ride all the coasters existed in the park and the other immediately agreed on that.

“Wait.” Fujigaya stopped just when they were about to climb the stairs to a roller coaster named ‘Flying Dragon’.

“What?” Kitayama shrugged his shoulders.

“Come here.” Fujigaya pulled Kitayama by his arm and stood the other in front of the height measuring meter.

“Safe.” He pushed the younger back to stairs. Kitayama, who was lost for seconds, finally understood that the other was teasing his height, and that was after he saw the other hold his tummy and laughing so hard.

“Senpai!!!! How mean!!!!” He tried to smack Fujigaya’s arm when the other quickly climbed the stairs and sat on the coaster’s seat, continuing his laughter.

“You really enjoy teasing me like this, huh?” Kitayama pouted his mouth when he saw the other hadn’t stop laughing.

“Stop laughing at me!”

“Sorry…. I didn’t mean to. But it really is fun making joke of you, Mitsu.”

“Excuse me? What did you call me just now?” Kitayama was very sure he heard the other called him ‘Mitsu’.

“Call what? Hiro, right?” Fujigaya sure didn’t realize that he had called the other the name he hadn’t call for long.

“No. you called me ‘Mitsu’.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you…”

“Stop it, will you? What’s so good about that name? And why the hell are you so concern about what I call you? You know I’m not and I will never call you Mitsu. So stop dreaming, Hiro!” His face was red, showing that how mad (or just embarrassed) he was.

As the cart starting to move, Fujigaya said sorry to the other in a small voice, unsure if the other heard that. Kitayama could hear clearly how the other screaming very loud during the ride, and he knew it was not because of the fear. Fujigaya was letting out all the stress and sorrows inside.

 

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“Senpai, do you always have luck?” Kitayama started to head to the booth where a pool was set inside and filled with hundreds of plastic ducks.

“I don’t know. I’m a lucky person, I guess, till I met you.” Fujigaya curved a smile when the other had already approaching the guy with some tokens in his hand. ‘Such a kid.’ Fujigaya told himself.

“Let me see how lucky you are today. The grand prize is that huge teddy bear.” Kitayama pointed his finger to a light brown teddy bear hung in the middle of the booth, with a height of about 3 feet and slightly smaller than him.

“What number should I pick?” Fujigaya was handed a fishing rod and he only had two trials with a token.

“Number 1.” The guy explained that if they got other number, they wouldn’t get anything.

Few seconds staring and targeting on which duck he would pick, Fujigaya decided to pick the one that was the closest to him. It surely was their lucky day when the number attached at the bottom of the toy was number 1. Kitayama jumped up and down of joyfulness when he impatiently claimed for his prize.

“Wait a minute. It’s mine right? Since I’m the one who fish that.” Fujigaya quickly took the figure from the guy’s hand.

“But I’m the one who asked you to play this.” Kitayama snatched the toy from Fujigaya and they’ve been fought for it.

“Fine. Take it, little boy. Not that I really want it anyway. Girlish.” Fujigaya knew he could never win against the other. He never had the intention to. He just likes to tease the other so much.

“Whatever. Now give me your car key. I’m not gonna carry this along.” Fujigaya searched for the key inside his pocket and handed it over to Kitayama.

“Don’t touch anything.” Kitayama nodded few times before running towards the parking lot.

Fujigaya was looking at the other from behind, thinking that if only Kitayama was that person he missed so much. He missed this situation. He missed teasing that person. He missed doing silly things (like what he did to Kitayama) for that person. He missed that person’s smile, cheerfulness, voice. He missed that person very much. If only he could turn back time. He wanted to properly tell that person how much he missed, how much he loved, how much he cared, how much he appreciated and how much that person mean to him.

Akito had always convinced him that what happened was not his fault. Even though he nodded to the words from Akito, deep down inside him, he knew that he was the reason that person gone, out of his life, out of his world. Ever since, he couldn’t stop blaming himself sending that mail.

 

I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to tell you this earlier but I just can’t. I’m going out of this town. Far far away from you. I’ve been thinking of keeping this relationship. I’m hoping that we can continue this. I wish I can tell you this when we met before but your smiling face and your excitement killed that intention. I couldn’t bear snatching that happiness from you. But looking at our situation, I don’t think this relationship will gonna make it. I can’t be apart from you. I’m gonna miss you everyday. And I don’t want you to miss me everyday. I don’t want you to keep on waiting for my calls or my texts every single second. You’ve told me that you don’t want a long distance relationship. I guess you’re right. It won’t work anyway. We need to call this off. I do believe that if we made for each other, we’ll definitely meet again. Don’t wait for me. Let us surrender our fate to God. I’m sorry telling you this via text. I don’t want to hear you cry. Just remember, whatever it is, you will always have a special place in my heart.
~Tai-chan~

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

It had been a weekly routine for Fujigaya to have some ‘special’ outings with Kitayama. They had been to few restaurants, enjoying different kinds of food. Fujigaya enjoyed Kitayama’s expressions while the other was enjoying the food. They had explored different shopping malls and Kitayama was bought some outfits by the other. Little by little, Fujigaya was spoiling the other quite much but he didn’t care. He was happy seeing the smaller boy smiling. He felt like he was a real brother to the other.

“Hiro.” It was one Saturday evening where they both only stayed in their room, completing their assignments, which Fujigaya thought of asking the other about his family.

“Hm?” The other was busy scribbling numbers on pieces of paper while operating the calculator in between.

“Do you have any other siblings? Brother? Sister?”

“I live with my mother only.” Kitayama never expected the other would ask this question, at least not now.

“What about you, senpai?”

“I live with both my parents and I’m their only son.” He did feel bored being alone in the house. That was why he always invited Akito to sleep over at his house. He knew Akito since they were in the same class during elementary school and they were neighbours, separated by only few blocks.

“How about best friends?” The only Fujigaya’s friend that Kitayama knew was Wataru, who had been to their room several times.

“As you know, Wataru is my closest friend here but my childhood best friend is still in the town I used to live few years ago.” Fujigaya inhaled a deep breath after mentioning the town, as it was reminding him of that person.

“Same age with you?” Kitayama was surely interested (or rather curious) about this best friend. He had never known Fujigaya has another best friend other place.

“Akito is two months younger than me but his character is totally like a brat. He likes to tease me a lot. And he has never fail to come out with different kinds of jokes each time we meet. He’s a joker. How about you, Hiro? Anyone that you always been with?” Fujigaya never saw him on phone with other person except his mom. And he didn’t see any photos of the other and his fellow friends being put in his place.

“No best friend, just some close friends that we only meet few times for some soccer games.”

“You play soccer? How come I never know that?” The only sporty thing that Fujigaya ever saw the other did was jogging almost every evening.

“Because…..there’s no one playing soccer around me here. Senga and Nika prefer in-house soccer which I really hate.” True. Both his roommates had invited him to join him once but he reluctant to go because playing soccer inside the building is not…soccer, at least in his mind.

“Hmmm….I guess you’re right. I seldom see the students on the soccer field. Well, you know, city boys. They hate being under the sun.” Fujigaya laughed with his own statement.

“Are you not a city boy, Senpai? I mean, your looks, your dressing, and the way you talk and walk…” Kitayama guessed the other just didn’t want to be the stereotype city boy that only does in-house activity that doesn’t involve any sunlight or fresh air.

“Do I really obvious have that look? Well, I’m not really a city boy or a village boy. I lived in a small town near a village. My house was kind of urban house but I did mingle around with some of the boys from the village nearby. We did played balls in the middle of the hot day. I guess that’s why I have this tanned skin.” Fujigaya showed his bare arm to the other before the other burst into laughter.

“You can’t blame the sun for your skin colour. Besides, that colour suits you very well so be thankful, senpai.”

“You right. She told me the same thing too.” Fujigaya startled a bit after his mouth was saying that.

“She? Who is she? Your girlfriend?” Kitayama moved closer to the other as he was interested to know. He never heard his senpai talking about girls.

“Err…no…no one. Come on, let’s finish this.” Fujigaya turned his body aside to ignore being seen by the small boy but the other just didn’t know the word ‘give up’. He kept provoking Fujigaya to tell him about that ‘she’ he talked about. After few trials of ignoring the other, he decided to give up. Maybe, it was because it was the right time and the right person to know his history.

 

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“Tai-chan! Here!” A girl was standing in front of the school gate, waving her right hand to one of the boys that were heading to the gate.

“Ok, guys. Gotta make a move first. See you all tomorrow. Akito, don’t forget to come to my house tonight.” The tall tanned boy was returning a wave while saying goodbye to his fellow friends.

“Sorry for the long wait, Mitsu. Those guys just couldn’t release me from the discussion.” Fujigaya smiled to the tiny girl, maybe 15 cm shorter than him, with a bob cut hair, exposing her chubby cheeks and a small plum lips.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t that early either. We are deciding to go for a girls outing this weekend. What are you guys discussing about?” the girl that Fujigaya called ‘Mitsu’ handed over a bottle of drinking water after she saw the other was sweating, as if he was just finish running around the field.

“Thank you. Nothing much except Junta invited us to his house this weekend. He plans to have a basketball game against the other village so he likes us to be in his team.” Junta’s house was in the village nearby. He was a classmate of Fujigaya and Akito.

“I see. And who are the others? Don’t tell me Bunichi will be in too?” Mitsu couldn’t stop laughing as she was imagining that small pale boy who barely showed any expression or talking, will play basketball with the other.

“Don’t underestimate that ghost boy. Of course, he won’t play but he was volunteered to be our manager though we all certainly have no idea what a manager should do. But well, you know Akito, Junta and Hamada really like to go along with Bunichi’s crazy idea.” Fujigaya chuckled when he remembered how Bunichi raised his hand in the discussion just now, volunteering to be their manager, where the rest were stunned by his action for few seconds before Hamada nodded his head agreeing with Bunichi’s decision.

“That sounds fun. Can I come to watch you play? When is it?” One of the reasons why Mitsu fall for that boy at the first place was her boyfriend was a captain of the school basketball team. She didn’t know how to play but registered in the club right after she witnessed how beautiful Fujigaya was in the court, slamming and dunking the ball, with few drops of sweat dripping from his hair onto his face. It was the prettiest scene she ever witnessed ever since she entered the school. But never had she imagined he would recognize her. It was fate that she was chosen by Fujigaya himself to be his protégé (of course, because she was really sucks with the ball, might be the worst player) and being scolded almost everyday during the practice sessions. Fujigaya was a strict mentor. He never comforts her after scolding her. But Mitsu was a hard-headed girl too and she never knew how to give up, or even cried after being shouted in the middle of the court. She had heard that many girls quit the club after being scolded by Fujigaya few times. Many were crying all the time during the sessions. Some of the club members called him ‘Long hair monster’ because of his creepy look that hidden beneath his long bangs. He was a good looking guy; most of the members admitted that but when he was mad, nobody will want to be near him. Except the brave little Mitsu who would give a silly but cute smile. Fujigaya would never expect he will fall for that smile. And he had never imagined he will lose that smile one day.

“In two or three weeks ahead. I don’t think the rest will allow you to. They said it’s a boys’ business. Sorry, Mitsu.” They had promised Junta not to involve other people, as Fujigaya didn’t understand why it has to be like that. Junta mentioned about pride but he didn’t give a damn about that. His friend needed his help and he would answer it. Fujigaya never questioned or asked for reasons if his friends need his help. He just helps, and goes. That was the other reason why Mitsu couldn’t set her eyes to other guys. Fujigaya was only two years older than her but his maturity was at par with older guys. He was responsible, caring in his own way but hot-tempered guy.

“It’s ok. I do understand. So, where are we heading now? I’m starving~~~~” Mitsu rubbed her tummy while throwing a ‘helpless’ look at her boy. Fujigaya couldn’t stop smiling looking at her behavior and he pulled her by the shoulder towards him.

“Ok, baby hamster. Let me feed you with something.” He laughed when the other struggling herself pushing him aside. Of course, Fujigaya tightened his grip but he suddenly shouting and releasing Mitsu when she stepped on his left foot. She ran with a happy smile curved by the small lips. Fujigaya chased her but the girl was fast. Fujigaya almost forgot that his girl was a short distance runner representing the school. They were happy. Fujigaya loved her because of what she was. Mitsu knew him very well. She knew how to be silent when he was mad. She knew how to distant herself when the other was in a bad mood or stress with his school works. She knew how to react when Fujigaya told her happy things. And Fujigaya knew that sometimes girls need to have their own girls’ time together. They have never fought about these kinds of things. They understood each other very well. The only thing they’ve always argued about was about food. Mitsu was a food maniac. She was small but she could eat double the portion of Fujigaya’s meals. That was why she couldn’t get it to see the boy eating so little. And she enjoyed food very much. Nothing is tasteless for her. Her expression when enjoying the food was priceless to Fujigaya. And that was why he called her ‘hamster’.

“Say, Mitsu. Can I ask you something?” Fujigaya stopped putting his favourite strawberry tart into his mouth and focusing on the other who was still busy finishing her slice of cheese cake.

“What is it?” She answered without looking at the other. Though, she could feel that the boy was not feeling easy.

“What do you think about distant relationship? I mean, if you are involved in it, how will deal with it?” Fujigaya slowly putting a small portion of the tart into his mouth.

“If the relationship was a distant starting from the beginning, I mean like both parties are met through the net or only by phone, I’m ok with it. I think it’s manageable. But to change from seeing each other everyday into a yearly activity, I don’t think I can handle that. I’m not good in changing situation. That’s my weakness. Why are you asking me that? Are you going away?” Mitsu laughed at her last words. There was no way the other would go away without telling her and if that would happen, she was definitely try to handle it. Losing Fujigaya was like losing half of her life. That guy had been a very special person in her life. They only met a year ago, being closed less than six months later and Fujigaya proposed her to be his special about five months ago. That guy was certainly firm with his decision. And she was too. There was no second thought after her being proposed because she knew she had place in the guy’s heart even if he didn’t tell her.

“Nothing. I’m just asking. That might be happening to us, right? Maybe it’s you who’ll go away from me.”

“Well, we never know the future. But if you do, please go without telling me anything.” Mitsu stopped her eating activity when she felt the warmth of her boy’s hand on hers. Fujigaya was acting weird, she thought.

“Mitsu, whatever happens in future, I want you to know that no one can takes your place here.” Fujigaya pulled the girl’s hand and put it on his left chest. Mitsu smiled and slowly pulled back her hand.

“I know that, Taisuke. Thank you.” Mitsu moved her hand to gently caress the other’s cheek before continued finishing her cake. Fujigaya never thought that was her last touch.

 

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“Senpai, what happened after that day?” Kitayama could see the other’s eyes were teary along the story. ‘He must really love her’.

“That night, I sent a text message that I shouldn’t send. She said she couldn’t handle a distant relationship so I thought it was the best for us to break up. I never thought…..” Fujigaya faced down and cupped his face with both his hands. He had never thought that Mitsu was not serious about that thing.

“Let me clarify this. Did she do something wrong after that?” Kitayama sat on the floor searching for the other’s face.

“I didn’t know what exactly happened but her friend told me she died because of me. How would I accept that, Hiro? I didn’t believe it at first but when I went to her funeral, her father gave me this depressive and anger look. And from that, I figured out it was my fault after all.” His voice was stuttered as he tried to control his tears. He hadn’t cried for years. He didn’t even cry at the funeral. He was completely blank. He would never forget how Mitsu’s father looked at him, and her friends too.

“And you took all the blame? Did you ever ask anyone what exactly going on?”

“Nobody would want to talk to me. Her friends were looking at me like I’m a monster. Her father acted as if he wanna shoot me with a gun for killing his daughter. It was all about the message that I sent. I shouldn’t send it. I should’ve just disappeared from her life. She might be in grief but it would be only for a moment. She’d forget me one day.” Kitayama could clearly see how Fujigaya was suffered carrying the burden of guilt all this time. The other was crying but he didn’t even realize it. The tears didn’t stop falling from his eyes to his cheeks and dripping on the floor.

“Senpai, let’s say, if you find someone who can tell you the truth, what will you do?” Kitayama slowly handed over a piece of handkerchief to other to wipe his tears.

“There’s no one can who tell me the truth. And I don’t even have to ask because I knew it was my fault she went away. Even until today, Akito had tried to find anyone who can make me feel better by telling the whole story but he failed. All her friends say Mitsu was suffering after I moved out. She barely ate, slept, or did anything. She wasn’t even talking. She had been hospitalized few times before she died. Am I not the one to be blamed, Hiro?” Fujigaya stood up and faced the window, witnessing the droplets of rain outside their room.

“Senpai, you can’t be like this. You can’t blame yourself the whole life. You still have a very long journey to go. Living with the past will not make you move on. Maybe she was suffering of losing you but you can’t say that she died because of that. She was a smart girl, right? She wouldn’t torture herself just because of that message.”Kitayama softly pat the other shoulder and smiled to him.

“I don’t know, Hiro. I was trying to forget her but…..” Fujigaya stared at the smaller guy with a confused look.

“But what?”

“I know it’s not appropriate saying this but when I’m with you, I feel like I was with her. You really look like her, Hiro. The only difference between you two is you’re a boy.” Fujigaya stunned seeing the other was bursting into a big laugh.

“Senpai….don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with me~~~~” Kitayama lay on the bed, continuing his laughter before the older smacked his small body with a pillow, and laughed.

“Hell no. I’m still normal, ok? There’s no way I would fall for a guy. Cut the crap, Hiro.” Fujigaya shooed the other with his hand and made a space for him to sit on the same bed.

“But senpai, I don’t mind having you as my boyfriend you know. I mean, you’re almost perfect. You have everything that a guy’s want.”

“Stop it, Hiro. No more jokes like that or I’ll put you in a box and sail you away in the ocean.” They both laughed for a moment before Fujigaya stopped and looked at the other with a serious look.

“Thank you, Hiro.”

“For what?”

“Cheering me up. Lessen my guilty feeling. I feel a bit relieved now.” He took the other hand for a shake and patted him on the shoulder.

“Glad to know that.” Kitayama released his hand and moved out towards his cubicle with a smile. ‘I’m sure glad to know that.’ Kitayama smirked as he turned away from the other. There was a small devilish grin that only Kitayama can heard from inside.